Helping Dreams

                            

Another vacation is ahead.
10 days of doing nothing - means: no plans so far.

Anyway, I am in the happy position once more where there is not really a difference between working days and days off.

Which is a very good sign. Because this means I am happy "at work", aka typing on my kitchen table. And it´s true. I have different tasks to do, which I can organize by myself. I´ve got one task back which meant a lot to me, which makes me really happy! And therefore the working hours are rushing over like a swoosh!

We are in the end of August, which means it´s very hot at the moment. So I have to take it easy anyway. That also fits me well, cause I am sleeping a lot and I love to write and to read. 

When it comes to sleeping we do come to the point I wanted to reach today:

Some "heavy" dreams are back! Dreams, I have to focus on because they seem sending me an important message.

My dreams are always important anyway. They are my connection to my deepest feelings. My soul and my subconscious are communicating with me by my dreams.

Almost always I know why I am dreaming what I am dreaming. Either it is a topic that bothers me or something I have to do but I can´t gather me up to get it going. Sometimes it´s only processing rests of the day. 
Everything I try to shift aside haunts me in my dreams sooner or later.

And then there is the heavy stuff. I´ve got two or three dreams which follow me over years. They are the reminder of the important topics which I would like to keep in their drawer. At some point they obviously have to break through the surface to make themselves seen again. 

One of those heavy dreams disappeared already because the topic was solved once and for all:

The dream was about going on vacation without me being ready. I rushed to the airport and somehow I always made it on time. The journey was always in a crazy vehicle. Finally reaching the destination I was not sure if I booked a hotel. But everything somehow goes well. Only when I am enjoying my vacation there always came a reason up why I had to head home. With the promise to be able to make it back before my vacation ends. 
The dream came in slightly different variation. But the bottom line was always the same: stress and not knowing if it would end well.

The dream was the reminder of how desperately I wanted to live abroad and how much I really was longing for it!

After I left Austria for good in 2013, in a time where I was still not sure if everything would went well (when you are newly living your life dream you always fear something would come up to destroy the dream), the dream reappeared.
The difference was that I didn´t have to go home in the middle of the vacation anymore but the stress was still there. 

Only when my mind settled at last and I started to recognize that this is really it ... the dream came only once more:
I was enjoying my vacation. I was strolling through narrow alleys of an old city somewhere in the South when I came to a market. There was one shop where they sold suitcases in all sizes and colours. They were on sale - minus 50%, minus 70%. 
I looked at them for a moment, then I started to grin very big, stepped over one of the suitcases and walked on. With the soothing thought: "I do not need them anymore!"

This was the moment when this topic was solved and the dream never ever came back!

Isn´t that amazing?

I love my dreams, even when they make we wake up confused and sad. Because they show me my real state of mental health.
They always have a purpose and the more I focused on them the clearer I started to understand the message. Nowadays my dreams are my close ally. They help me a lot and they always show me the truth, even when I am lying to myself.

Yesterday morning I once more woke confused an sad. Because one of the recurrent dreams haunted me in the early morning hours. The dream presents a tiresome subject. A subject I am so tired of thinking about at all!
Yes, I know the issue is not solved at all. And yes, I do know I would need to solve it urgently. But the truth is, I do not want to deal with it at the moment. 

So yesterday I just let the thoughts break through the surface and I kept the topic around for a while. Just to find out which messages are important from that corner at the moment.
I know exactly what it is all about and I know exactly why I have to solve it. The point is that I accepted the issue in my life and don´t try to hide it in its drawer. I know it was an important lesson for my journey and I fully accepted what happened then.
A lot of damage was done. 
I do know that this damage still affects me. I worked on it a lot and I for sure know something like that will not happen to me anymore! Simply because I will not let it happen to me anymore! Though every time when I think I am finally over it those dreams show me that I am wrong.

Yes, I believe there would be a chance to completely get over it. Maybe with the help of a therapist. 
But to be frankly honest: I do not want to deal with this topic that much at the moment! It is not the right time to bring all the emotions back up.
I believe that I am doing fine at the moment when I just be aware of the issue. I accept the dreams to remind me of the topic and I will give it enough space. But for the moment that´s all I can promise. 

Well, anyway, my dreams will show me if I am wrong in my believing!