Being like a Feather

Some years ago I was sure I would get a tattoo!  I knew I would have it on my inner left forearm - about 10 cm big. I wanted it for myself. So it had to be on a spot of my body where I would always be able to see it = inner forearm.  I knew what I want. It had to be a motive which presents me and my believing. Something that is extremely important to me. Wasn´t hard to guess in which direction it will go: As I feel deeply connected with the Native American there would be several motives for me to choose.  A dream catcher maybe? Would be beautiful!  For sure there had to be a feather included. I love feathers. They mean so much to me! So I thought of a dream catcher with several dangling feathers. But there is another symbol that had to be there for sure: a footprint of a bear!  My name Ursula means Little Bear (ursus = bear) Isn´t that the perfect Native name?? Can´t be a coincidence. The name was meant for me. Though my brother chose it because he was in love w...

Tuesday afternoon I decided to read in the Upper Barrakka Gardens in Valletta for a change.  Before that I had a delicious lunch in one of my favourite restaurants, met some amazing people, ran all the errands which I had on my to-do-list and therefore I was relaxed and happy.  I chose a bench in the shade with view onto the Three Cities and Birgu´s Marina. People were strolling by, tourists took pictures of the beautiful Valletta Grand Harbour, children were running around as well as doves and other small birds. When a group of Indian guys came, sat next to me and started to listen way too loud to an English program on one of their mobiles ... I could tell how relaxed I enjoyed my book because they didn´t bother me at all.  From time to time I looked up and watched the people around me. It´s amazing how every toddler always run behind the doves and try to chase them. Must be something genetic.  There was one baby boy who was chasing them for quite a long time. ...

I already mentioned it before that I will write about being a Highly Sensitive Person in my blog. It took me a while. And the reason for that is kind of ... surprising. All my life I was struggling with me being a HSP. Childhood and being a teenager was not easy. Being a young adult was a challenge. Which kept going on till the day I found out why I am so different from others! Because I am a Highly Sensitive Person. Now, for the last couple of years I lived my life being aware of that. Which made it so much more easier for me.  First of all I am much more able to deal with challenging situations. I can take myself out of stress much faster because now I know what exactly is the reason for my stress or what would be a massive problem soon.  Then I started to tell people of me being a HSP. Which gave me the chance to act much more natural because if I act irrational in the eyes of others people would know where it is coming from.  You know, it is much more easier to tell p...

Really, I mean it: Universe, do we have a deadline?? I know that in about three weeks the big day is coming up. I know what will happen then. I mean, I do feel it strong and clear. All this last year, the 49th year of life, was a preparation for that day. I get it. But do we have to solve EVERYTHING before that? The last weeks would have been too much for me if I wouldn´t know what is going on. Something really nice for a change: I sit down, lean back, see the chaos storm, watch it with a calm grin on my face and think to myself: "Yep, I know. That also has to be done before August, 7. Makes sense." 07.08.2020 7+8+2+2=19 1+9=10 1+0=1  ONE! The number of beginning. HA! Even that fits. 07.08.2020 - my 49th Birthday! Which I was waiting for so long!! Cause 49 - 7x7 - is the beginning of a new life circle. Since I learned about that a few years ago it was on my mind and I was looking forward to it so badly. Now last year the roller coaster started. Suddenly all my life lessons ma...

Do you believe in miracles? I guess I do.  Though I would not call them miracles in the classical way.  An example: On February 16, 2020 I woke up in the morning and felt some pain in my left Achilles tendon. You might ask yourself why I do know the exact date. Well, I knew exactly what I did the day before and I wrote that in my agenda ... I had those pains before but then I also had some swellings on both tendons. I´ve learned then that the tendons where inflamed and just needed a bit of a rest. So this time the pain was only in my left tendon, there was no swelling and the pain was a bit more intense then before.  But I also had some problems with a dislocated toe bone before and therefore was walking a bit funny for a couple of weeks. I thought that might be the reason. Cause I couldn´t think of anything else. There was no misstep or any twitching of my leg, no other occasion that might have caused the pain.  I started to walk with a limp cause every step caused ...

Well, I guess I am not alone with my struggle of constantly trying to loose weight, right? I´ve been a thin child and a thin teenager ... then I started to gain weight. In my "highest" moments I weight about 100 kg. Was I happy? Definitely NO!  Did I try to loose weight? ALWAYS! My biggest success happened when I was 29 turning to be 30 years old. It was the time when I found a program that totally worked for me. It was / is a extremely expensive program for women only, a guided diet combinate with special training.  The fact of being so expensive was an important part of it. Otherwise I would not have taken it that serious. Long story short: I lost 30 kilos in a time period of 11 months! How amazing it felt when I was slim for the first time in my adult life!  People didn´t recognize me on the street anymore. I had so much fun buying the clothes I really wanted to wear.  I do remember one situation which will always stay in my mind and I will always be abl...

I could have known it!  Feeling excited about something new, can´t await to get it going?? Never would that happen smoothly! I guess that is one of Murphy´s laws!  So I thought I was fully prepared for July 1st to come. I did everything I wanted to do and went to bed with that anticipation for a new start. Only that I didn´t sleep well that night. Only that I had bad and confusing dreams. Only that I woke up not feeling relaxed. Only that I started my working day with technical problems. Only that I had to deal with a few stressful situations throughout my morning. And of course my ego kept telling me: "You see how bad your trial run already goes? Let it be! It´s not worth it to change your habits. Go and buy some chocolate and the world is perfect again!" Yeah, sure! Nice try, ego. I knew that would come.  Literally I was sitting at my work desk and kept smiling about those irrational thoughts. Nice try, ego. That did work before several times but you can´t fool me anymo...