HSP - Lets talk about being a HSP for a change

I already mentioned it before that I will write about being a Highly Sensitive Person in my blog.

It took me a while. And the reason for that is kind of ... surprising.

All my life I was struggling with me being a HSP. Childhood and being a teenager was not easy. Being a young adult was a challenge. Which kept going on till the day I found out why I am so different from others!

Because I am a Highly Sensitive Person.

Now, for the last couple of years I lived my life being aware of that. Which made it so much more easier for me. 

First of all I am much more able to deal with challenging situations. I can take myself out of stress much faster because now I know what exactly is the reason for my stress or what would be a massive problem soon. 

Then I started to tell people of me being a HSP. Which gave me the chance to act much more natural because if I act irrational in the eyes of others people would know where it is coming from. 

You know, it is much more easier to tell people: "I am a Highly Sensitive Person and with that I belong to a group of about 15 - 20 % of all living creatures." Much more easier than to go through life believing to be crazy or not normal or to not fit into this world at all.

Along that road I met other people who are HSP or who know someone who is a HSP. So, me the alien, found out that I am not alone and therefore became so much more relaxed about being me!

Thank God I even met people who taught me how special I am and that I should be proud of being how I am and who I am. 

Today I AM proud of being a HSP. Though challenging and sometimes really difficult - I wouldn´t want it any other way anymore!

Now, the surprising part of that is, that with this progress my life became kind of "normal". Me being a HSP now fits perfectly into my daily life. My friends know about it, my work mates and my boss know about it. I don´t make a secret about it anymore. 

Why?
Because today I don´t see my condition as a weakness but as a blessing!

True, life still can be challenging sometimes. The good thing is I´ve learned to deal with it. Solutions are much more faster at my hand nowadays. 

I am confident enough to face the music!

Cause the real struggle was to pretend to be like others. The real problems came from trying to deal with things like "normal" people would do it. 

But I am not like others!

I am Highly Sensitive!

On a good day I might be able to join a crowded party with loud music and lots of alcohol. But for sure there would come the moment where I can´t take it anymore. Before, when at that point a drunken person came up to me, tried to shout something into my ear and maybe even tried to touch me, I would freak out. Before I still would have ignored that and suffer big from ignoring my feelings and continuing to pretend I enjoy the party. Now I would know long before when it is too much for me and I would leave the party before I get the chance to freak out.

Yes, there are many things I can´t do because of my condition. Some of it makes me really sad. 

The Birgufest - Birgu by candlelight - for example:

There is this amazing feast once a year where Birgu, the oldest city in Malta, is lit by thousands of candles. Literally everyone would be there ... but unfortunately not me. 

Going there would be stress already, because busses and ferries would be hopelessly crowded. Being there would be stress, because there would be thousands and thousands of people in the narrow streets of Birgu. And the thought of departing from there afterwards with thousands of people who would also need to take the bus or the ferry is too stressful from the very beginning.

So, no Birgufest for me.

But there are so many other chances to embrace my condition! I honestly can say today that I would not want it any other way!

Why?

Because being able to feel so deeply, though it´s challenging most of the time, is something I wouldn´t want to miss anymore. 

Those moments when I am overwhelmed by joy and happiness! 

Those moments when I can´t hold back the tears any longer because my heart burst with love and joy!

Last week I went to  the Water Park in Bugibba with my friend and her little son. The Water Park is a playground for kids where there are different water spilling items to run around and get wet.

I wanted to be there since I saw it for the first time! I so wanted to run between the water fountains and get wet. But there was never a kid to go with. So my inner child had to wait for the son of my friend to finally make that dream come true!

OH, I DID enjoy it!

I became a kid again and I LOVED to run around with that little boy!

But there was one moment which almost made my heart burst:

I was standing next to an water spilling item and watched the little boy getting used to be hit by the water fountains, when a small baby came walking by crying softly. It was a little boy who was completely overwhelmed by the noise of the water, by the children running around and by the water itself. 

I felt with him and I felt for him!

Now that little baby just staggered toward me and when I bent down to calmly talk to him he raised his little arms and wanted me to carry him.

I picked him up.

Overwhelmed with joy that this little fella chose me to be comforted by. 

He kept on crying, I tried to calm him down by gently rubbing his back and swaying him in my arms. "I know. It´s too much. I know what you are feeling right now. Shhh, it´s okay. Shhh, relax, it´s okay." 

When this little baby finally stopped crying and almost fell asleep on my shoulder  my heart was bursting with so much love for him! 

His parents were so sweet and didn´t bother about me having their little son in my arms. They were beaming at me with gratitude. His mother even said: "I guess he feels you being that sensitive and therefore understanding him."

I would exchange EVERY PARTY and EVERY FEAST for something like this! 

Those are my diamonds! 

Moments, where I feel almost too much happiness. Moments, I only be able to experience them BECAUSE I am a HSP. 

How blessed I am to feel so much love from holding a little baby in my arms for a couple of minutes!! 

Being a Highly Sensitive Person is very challenging. 

Though I would not call it difficult anymore as I would have done it decades before. 

It is my duty to find out what is good for me and what is bad for me. It is my duty to really, really take good care of me and look after my wellbeing.

Where I have to adapt to the world I have to find ways to make it work. Otherwise it is my duty to look after my needs and to find my own path.

This is what I did all my life!

So today, when I am talking about being a HSP for a change, I honestly can say it´s a blessing. 

First I see all the good things about being a HSP. I also look back on the changes I had to make, on the decisions I had to make to live more comfortable. I had to let go of many things and many people. Which is sad. But it was necessary for my own wellbeing and - in a case of a friendship which didn´t work out - also for the sake of other people.

Today my life as a HSP became that normal for me that I sometimes don´t recognize the point where "normality" stops and HSP kicks in. I am already so comfortable with me being a HSP that this fact disappear into my daily life. Isn´t that amazing?

Here are some examples when I am totally aware of being a HSP though:

I love to sit at the sea and feel the infinity of the universe.

I love to open up to strangers and even more when they open up to me because they feel comfortable with me.

I love to get goose bumps from something that tastes or smells good.

I love to hug a person with all my true feelings for him or her.

I love to find myself in a situation which was not planned but feels so right and therefore blows my socks of! 

I love to cry of pure bliss or happiness.

I love to make myself comfortable on my couch and daydream to a point where I almost sense the fantasy. 

I love that I am so connected to Universe to be aware of the big picture. 

I love the fact that I still know exactly what I was wearing when I first felt those butterflies in my tummy - and I was 13 at that time! I can recreate the whole evening in my daydreams!! 

I love to be empathic, though it also means that I am extremely fed up with all those people who are NOT empathic at all.

I love that a blossoming flower, a butterfly, a seagull, a rainbow or the stars at night will always put a smile on my face. 

I love the orgasmic feeling from the first sip of a fresh, cold orange juice ...

I love that a few words or a small gesture can make my day! 

I love that I could go on with that list forever!

So today I am harvesting the hard work of my entire life. I do remember my own struggles when I notice the struggles of others. I recognize myself in them but I am also proud that I found my own way to deal with all of that.

And to tell you the truth, it´s a bit hard already to see myself in those struggling periods. But I also want to tell you about them and I want to tell you how I managed them. 

Which advice would I like to give to other HSP on their path?

Learn about yourself as much as you can!!

The more you know about yourself and about your needs the more you can create the perfect world for you!

It might seem hard in the beginning to back yourself up against the world, but it is possible and it is so fu**ing worth every fight!! 

To be continued ...